WHAT I FELT
When I saw Baba in the freezer, my brain stopped processing. I was in such a shock that my brain decided to disbelieve what it saw. I went upstairs to change (I had just come back from school) and felt a small vacuum inside me. Another vacuum that couldn’t be filled. The next day while tying the golden ladder to Baba’s feet, I felt so numb that I couldn’t feel anything. When we went to the funeral place, I had to do a lot of rituals because I was the only representative of the fourth generation. In the end, when the pyre was lit, I couldn’t help to notice the amount of smoke it emitted into the air. I felt bad that even on Baba’s funeral we were harming the atmosphere. When we came back and had that big meal, I got the same feeling I got on Baba’s birthday. Happy, loved, and the feeling of a community. Expect for the fact that Baba wasn’t here. But his soul was eating all the jalebi's and rasmalai's he wanted baba and me