WHAT I FELT
When I saw Baba in the freezer, my brain stopped processing. I was in such a shock that my brain decided to disbelieve what it saw. I went upstairs to change (I had just come back from school) and felt a small vacuum inside me. Another vacuum that couldn’t be filled.
The next day while tying the golden ladder to Baba’s feet, I felt so numb that I couldn’t feel anything. When we went to the funeral place, I had to do a lot of rituals because I was the only representative of the fourth generation. In the end, when the pyre was lit, I couldn’t help to notice the amount of smoke it emitted into the air. I felt bad that even on Baba’s funeral we were harming the atmosphere.
When we came back and had that big meal, I got the same feeling I got on Baba’s birthday. Happy, loved, and the feeling of a community. Expect for the fact that Baba wasn’t here. But his soul was eating all the jalebi's and rasmalai's he wanted

Hey Bambi, so heartfelt . Pain mingled with sweetness.
ReplyDeleteBaba’s loving blessings are always with you.
Love you dear.
Dear Banbi
ReplyDeleteI am touched to read our child is so grownup you expressed your feelings so beautifully
I am sure Dear Baba's blessings r always with u
Much love
Nani